One Diagnosis Away: A Narrative Poem on the Invisible Illness Experience

Pain 
Drained 
Energy wanes 
Drop
By drop 
Down the drain 
Never  
To be recovered 
An endless rain 
Or am I insane 
This pain 
It has no name 
Diagnosis unknown 
Hidden in shame 

Ache 
Then ache 
They 
They think it’s fake 
All in my head 
But why 
Why would I ever want 
Want to feel this way 
When I’m clearly in pain 
My body 
My body was not meant to be a chain 
Wrapped around every muscle 
Every joint 
Internal screams clustering my brain 

One step 
Get up 
Wince 
Cane 
I’m too young 
Too young  
To lie in pain 
As my body withers 
Withers, slain 
Hoping one day 
One day 
I’ll get up  
No wince 
Not even a strain 

My doc 
Doc is trained 
But what can he do 
If he can’t feel my pain 
I don’t blame him  
Maybe it’s me 
I just won’t complain 
Pretend it’s not eating at me 
Hide my invisible bloodstains 
He tries 
Prescribes 
Even empathized 
But only I can feel my pain 
A sole passenger on this freight train 

Red pill 
Twice daily 
Yellow pill 
Hard to swallow lately 
Not the biggest fan 
But it’s a temporary fix 
Remember, might just be me 
You did have a clear CT scan 
For such is life 
When a pain has no name 
Living in oblivion 
One diagnosis away 
I pray one day a doctor sees my pain 
That one obscure flashcard to give my pain his name